Big Ten Network is for fools and liberals

For those of you who can't tell (which involves everyone and no one...can you decipher what you don't read? THIS IS WHAT WE THINK ABOUT IN COLLEGE) I'm from Minnesota. If you all know your regionally defined conferences well enough, you know that Minnesota is entrenched in Big Ten country. Also, we're, like, adjacent to Big 12 country, but no one's sure if Iowa State counts. Anyway, yeah. Big Ten. All about it here.

We're also one of the battleground states for the Big Ten Network issue - which makes it sound a lot more important than anyone should ever give it credit for. Currently, you can only get the BTN on dish providers, so we get lots of commercials with Tim Brewster's mug asking us to petition Comcast to put the channel on its basic package. Now, it's not worth asking whether or not this is insane - it's insane. There are already five sports channels here on the standard package (if you don't think golf is a sport, well, fuck you). Also, unlike Wisconsin, Iowa, Illinois, Purdue, Ohio State, Penn State, Michigan, Michigan State, and Indiana, the U of M is located in a large metro area with professional sports, which seriously brings down the amount of interest for those who don't go (or haven't gone) to the U.

This also leads to a larger, more pervasive problem. Here at the U, sports are not a big deal. People like them, and many people get into it, but it's not like Michigan or Ohio State or Iowa or Penn State (football), Indiana (basketball), or Northwestern (Women's Lacrosse - probably). The world wouldn't stop here if sports fell off the face of the earth. This may change with Tubby Smith becoming the new basketball coach and the football team getting a new stadium, but until then, there's not going to be much enthusiasm.

And, sadly, Gopher football is only making the matter much, MUCH worse.

God, how the fuck do we lose to NORTHWESTERN? If you've read a sports blog over the last four years, you understand that Northwestern is about as perfect a target as they come - terrible teams, uniforms that feature purple, boring stadium. I mean FUCK - remember when they won the Big Ten like 10 years ago? People freaked out! I'm sure someone had a heart attack because of it. They're the dredge of the Big Ten, they're awful, they're excrement - and WE LOST TO THEM.

The point of this article is that I deeply enjoy getting mad, losing my shit, yelling everywhere, causing a scene. You name it, I freak out about it. I was all set to freak out about not getting the BTN, but now why should I? I don't need to watch the Gophers lose to Bowling Green, FAU and Northwestern. I can imagine that shit, fuckers. God damnit, Tim Brewster? Why did you do this? Is it because you know how much I like getting angry? Wait...now I'm angry! Awesome! Thanks, Tim Brewster!