ALDS Game 2 partial diary

I'm waiting till about midnight to go out dancin', and I'm not going to do homework on a Saturday night, so I'm going to do a live diary of Game 2 of the ALDS, starting in the bottom of the 1st.

7:45 - Do we need to see those fans holding up that Ortiz sign in the last row every night? Fuck, we get it - they're losers.

7:52 - Wait...the Red Sox put Schilling on the DL when he wasn't hurt? Get Gregg Easterbrook on this! Let's call it InjuryGate! I don't know what I hate more right now, Page 2 or the Red Sox. If Bill Simmons and Jim Caple were calling this game, I would be positive I died last night and that wasnt a dream.

7:56 - Minnesota athlete shout-out alert! Very classy ad showing a little girl pinning up a picture of Joe Mauer, especially seeing as that's how every young girl in Minnesota considers themselves a Twins fan. Hey, the more the merrier (that's not meant as a pedophilia thing). Annnnnd it's ruined by Dane Cook. "Who would want to play the Diamondbacks right now?" I dunno. The Rockies are probably pretty jacked about it.

8:07 - Beautiful moment with Buck fawning over Casey Blake's beard. "It's just full." Made so much better by McCarver hanging his man out to dry. He reminds me of the farmers in that one episode of Family Guy.

Stewie: So, anyone seen any good movies lately?
McCarver: Nope.
Stewie: ...read any good books?
McCarver: Nope.
Stewie:...anything new with baseball?
McCarver: OH BASEBALL'S ALWAYS INTERESTING

Cabrera makes a great catch to set down the Sox and HOLY SHIT Fox goes to commercial using the song from Snakes on a Plane that features heavy hitters such as the woman from the Sounds, the dude from the All American Rejects, and the black guy from Gym Class Heroes. If there's one thing that was worth seeing in that movie, it was that sequence during the credits. Hey Buck! I can see the venom in yer eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes!

8:12 - With the way Minnesota sports are going, I'm nearly certain that Joe Mauer, Johan Santana, Joe Nathan, Justin Morneau and Torii Hunter will all be named on the Mitchell Investigation report. With any luck, it'll only be Nick Punto. Man, this Jimmy John's veggie club is fucking delicious. Mmm... Schlling get the Sox out of the inning.

Here's something I wonder about a lot: games that are Fenway Park or Yankee Stadium on Fox are always a lot louder. Now, most people would probably say that it's because the fans are more active, but couldn't it just be that Fox turns the mics up for these games? I mean, they want to keep the myth of those teams alive, so wouldn't that be in their best interest? Someone should do some kind of decimal test, because a born Yankee fan told me at a Twins playoff game that he's never heard a fan base louder than the Twins in his life. Including NFL games.

You know what would be great? Dane Cook and Frank Caliendo fighting to the death. I don't know why everyone needs to repeat how great an impressionist Caliendo is, because that doesn't matter unless you're also funny. Also, Julio Lugo and Nick Punto should fight to the death on the undercard.

8:20 - Wow. Terrible at-bat for Lugo. Missed a hit-and-run, missed a bunt, struck out. Also, Kevin Youkilis looks like he should be fixing my dad's Chrysler.

8:26 - Buck on Youkilis - "Year in and year out, one of the most patient hitters in the game." Dude's been playing for, what, like two years? HOO BOY he wasn't patient on that swing was he?

8:34 - Fuck ass fuck fuck. Bases loaded. If Rameriez gets a hit here, it's over. Not just the game, but the series. I can call it here. I might put money on a home run. Carmona is shitting himself right now. 3-0. He's gotta throw a strike, right? You can't walk in the tying run, can you? Fuck, just did. 1-1.

8:35 - Lowell singles, 3-1 Sox. Ya know what, that's it. I'm done for now. I'll check the score to see if it gets closer later, but I can't watch a game in Boston where the Sox are winning. It's like kicking myself in the nuts. Later